I finally fell asleep around noon. I was blessed with a dreamless sleep then woke up to the nightmare of reality. No news about my child. Looking at lawyers I can't afford then becoming frozen with panic. Now that all the secrets have been spilled and the contract is still not being followed. How long will I be blocked from my daughter? How long will it take to find a lawyer and wait for the endless filing of paper work that could take months? The stress is overwhelming. It has been a long journey with no justice in sight. At least I am writing poetry. At least I am eating. At least I am showering. I make tiny goals just to get through each day and dissolve in to tears and then can't do much but rest. I am terrified of getting Covid19 and moving back in to the world without being vaccinated yet. I am terrified she will get Covid19 because of the regular social events over there. I have lost seven pounds in a week because my stomach is all gnarled up with foreboding.
The night is creeping up and I am dreading another long one. I don't know where I am going, I only know that where I have been is not a place I want to go again. Having to relive all of this in court a fucking nightmare.