a room too blue to imagine the sun

my stepfather used
​to tell me stories
when he was high

pills crushed beneath his teeth
hidden in his cheek

floating in his recliner
me by his side

listening to the past is
like walking on broken marbles

his glass of grapefruit juice
and vodka
 the ice cubes were my seeing 
stone

 that girl who
 listened so carefully at
the mad hatters tea party
was me

he had no hat
just a ponytail
a ying yang earring

poured words instead of tea
i drank
every letter

remember this 
remember that
remember the sound

of pills grinding
in his teeth so loud

in a room
​too blue
to imagine the sun