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while the world is ending i decide to quit drinking the medication to fix my broken brain so i wouldn't want to drink got a 10/10 on drugs.com after it built up in my system it gave me such a violent reaction worse than any hangover i could only drink gatorade for three days one more day on those pills i would have ended up in the hospital another drug added to the long list of things my body rejects my intolerance to life manifests itself in a myriad of food and drug allergies i had an allergic reaction to shrooms in college after that i could only do acid the last time i didn't fake smile i was drunk the last time i laughed i was drunk now the only intermission from sadness is anxiety my wine has been replaced with never ending existential terror i would go for a walk but i am allergic to trees and afraid of nuclear fallout and covid and people who aren't afraid of these things
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it is lonely down here
this space which isn't space at all i am suffocating in this world this requirement of smiley lies pleasantries dead leaves i spend hours raking and bagging beautiful rotten things so i can belong i built up these walls and i don't want them to come down that girl i once was i want to keep for myself and myself alone we are at war against ourselves we are at war against each other nothing changes i watched a news clip of a three year old boy hiding in the rubble in Ukraine he said he knew what was happening and he wasn't ready to die this world is a rotten place build a wall around yourself and hope that child dreams of bricks surrounding him we are headed for a breakdown of everything we have ever known accept that normalcy is gone grieve already stop pretending this is ok time is wavering
in this place where eyes never close live with the crows wake when they blink the man with no face is my guide on occasion he takes his shadow hat off kneel in the dark listening to the nothing is everything at the graveyard of my soul sparrows braid my hair i learn what no one else wants to know we tally the losses the man with no face laughs when i cry he peels his head apart the souls inside are just hands grabbing at me he tells me you can't save them your light is mine my dark is yours everything you want you will have i am your nothing i am your everything look in the mirror my dear what do you see? |
AuthorMichelle Tinklepaugh Archives
April 2023
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