when the hunted
becomes the huntress
a warrior is born

at twilight you come alive
walking in the dark
with only your senses

lay your fears at the door
your demons can't harm you
when you harness them
to do all the dirty work

your familiar is a leopard
she escorts you
on this unknown path
the spots on her hide
are all the stars in the night sky

step in to eternity
Artemis has just given 
you a gift

 that first weekend in college
I ran in the woods
in nothing but a suede coat
fringed in fur
and my panties

barefoot and
laughing as the branches 
scratched my legs
a frat boy followed
beer can in hand

he was safe in that
foolish way he giggled
every time he took a drink
a leprechaun emerged

we ran through the woods
in this dead end freedom
of adulthood
and childhood
so blurred
we couldn't comprehend

later
with grass in our hair
we would fall asleep
on the floor of his dorm room
wake up the next morning
picking twigs out of our ears

amidst the empty beer cans
we would realize
how different we were
my blond hair 
and fur coat 
would be a story he could tell

but his football jersey
and lite beer can
is something I would hide
all his trophies seemed to point at me
as I left the room
walking over pizza boxes and sleeping bodies

we couldn't find my pants
and he laughed in a jealous way
as I left him there
with bare legs
wearing my fur like a fox

in my youth I let them
​chase me in the woods
on dark nights
with no fear
because I was fast
and fun
the trees seemed to carry me
the wind picked me up when I stumbled

where has the time gone?
that girl so sure she could out run anyone
is now a woman
that wants to sit and think
write about when the world
was whirling past

hourglass
I won't tip you yet
let me watch each 
grain of sand
let me remember 
when I saw you
when I first turned you over
hoping for time to pass

the man in the portal
showed me his life
from birth to death
while an angel played charades
showing me all the things
she needed me to know
obviously she didn't know
I haven't played much charades

the woman in white
might have been a woman
or the little girl that was haunting
me with the hoofed demon 
that was trapping her in this realm
she belongs in the night sky
not earth bound 
but bound for infinity
somewhere even I can't see

this was just the middle of 
 my strange happenings
the beginning began in a barn
when I was no more then four
a little boy with his brains
showing through the back of his head
we roamed the fields as playmates
until I moved to a different house
a different town

a small triangle hole
is in the floor
next to my sliding glass door
the dogs are mystified by it
it seems to project all the latest
activity

demons
with their jagged teeth
alien light beings
that stare with their big eyes
and mute subtraction sign smiles 
spirits all twisted out of shape

if I look to long in that direction
a graveyard appears on the porch
the grim reaper with his bone face
is the head of this field trip

I tell them it is closing time
go on get out
I have to write now
but they are mad
they wasted their haunting hours
last night helping me put together
a manuscript where they were
the stars

I light some incense 
and shush them
I can't hear myself think
one ghost dissolves into 
a chair

I ignore them
but they don't care
my dog barks near the camera
suddenly they are friends

they all want to pose for a picture
while chanting we exist we exist

I have to go now
keep them company
as they have done for me
​
all they want to do
is watch haunting shows

in the absence of light
I find myself
digging beneath this world
for answers hidden in the past

as a child 
I ate the buds of tiger lilies
while my mother sat
on the red  paint chipped
​porch steps
always looking
somewhere in the distance
as if she had lost herself
on the way to here

her present was me
tugging on her legs
with a broken butterfly in hand
a mouth full of clover to sweeten
a childhood
I had still yet to find

I never ate the poison plants
a voice whispered
not to eat the sharp red berries
it was not my mother
but the sky and the dirt beneath my feet
who cradled me while
my teenage mother 
wished for freedom

I wanted to go where she was
to be with her 
in that faraway place 
my time would come soon 
enough

I followed in her grieving footsteps
found my own soul in the dark night

I seek the truth
truth is the only light

these deep wounds have opened me 
to discover
all that there has been
all that there is 
and all that there will be
is within me

the magic of knowing your own power
is just as beautiful
as the pain that got you
​to here

behind me
a woman in white emerges
leading the pack of hungry ghosts
that wait for me
the veil is so thin now
I hear their whispers

she stands at the crossroads
holding a serpent staff
she is my guard 
her torch lights an unknown path
she smells of jasmine and moonflower

behind her are all the lost souls
her entourage is flanked
by the grim reaper
at first I mistook his scythe for a pointy hat
but I could not mistake his grin for a smile
only sickness was seeping out
his pointed teeth

a wild woman sits in front of a fire
her hair is the color of mine
an ancestor from long ago
sees me through her smoke conjure

my new friends won't leave my side
I am one of them they tell me
I see them in windows
mirrors
in pools of water

the woman in white
is holding a ring of skeleton keys 
she jangles them so that I can hear
my destiny

I open the door
winding wind sweeps its way in
spirits ride along 
contorted faces stretching like putty
into smiles so ghastly
I have to look away

they are under my charge now
a gift from the woman in white
my vagabond spirits fill the house
with a sigh
changing forms to see what
pleases me
they touch everything
like too eager children
moving my knick knacks about
until I ask them to be still and quiet

they return to the back porch
to wait until needed
turning their strange faces
up to the moon
in meditation they freeze like statues
I put the key in my pocket for 
safe keeping

as the woman in white
disappears in the windows reflection
the grim reaper
takes a bow
and laughs when his scythe
comes too close to me
and I jump

his laugh is thunder
cracking the branches of a tree
he follows her faint reflection
and I take a deep breath
so glad it is not my last

I am cold
for several hours now
I have been shivering
while my dog barks
at a spot next to me

I know I am not alone in this pain
and those who want to comfort me
are making the room feel like a refrigerator
I sit in the dark
with the dead reminding me
that being alive is better
in my sadness I wonder why
they are the only ones here
isn't that enough of a sign
to remind me of where I belong?

my mother once told me to not trust anyone
that you could only count on yourself
I thought she was jaded
I thought she just had enough
of people fucking her over
now I realize her words
were of experience
of wisdom

right now
alone in the dark
I am rethinking my entire life
what I could take before
I can't take anymore
I always wanted safety
and stability
but what is the cost of that?
believing in something that doesn't exist
unless you create it yourself
with boundaries and self respect
I keep giving away
everything that I am to the man
that comes along with a smile
he picks me up when I am
rock bottom
​knee deep in demons
he slays them with his own

I think this man is going to be the one
that saves me
but I am always left holding
emptiness
crying
holding my own carcass in my hands
the dead stand next to me
holding their hollow souls
we share the pain of knowing
how alone all of us really are

reality is a jagged line
written in red pen
​

white pebbles leave a trail
in the deep dark forest
are you Hansel?
are you Gretel?
are you the witch?

the children
always return
to the dad that 
abandoned them to die
when his bitch wife
 didn't feel like feeding them

and where was their sweet mother?
that would have given her life for theirs
buried behind the house
daddy probably told them
it was a fever he couldn't break
but we all know he just didn't give a shit

when he realized he had two kids to raise
no money
 no bread baking skills
he married the bitch from town
who could count coins
and was shrewd enough
to realize if they wanted to survive
the children had to be sacrificed
in the deep dark wood

the daughter was smart
maybe her wise mother
rose from the dirt 
to whisper in her ear
how to fucking survive

so this little girl
had to save her brother 
kill some old hag
and give her idiot dad
the treasures she had gotten
with her inherent survival skills

Gretel's future is fated
taking care of the man
that murdered her mother
and maybe even her evil stepmother
she will have to raise her fat little brother 
that was too stupid to outsmart
an old blind witch

the weight this little girl has to carry
she doesn't even get to enjoy the 
treasures she got 
she had to cook an old woman alive
now all she has is nightmares

while she takes care of everyone
she dreams of freedom
she dreams of riding horses in the wind
eating bread she hasn't baked
and a man that won't make her go through
this all over again

she still keeps a pocketful
of white pebbles to drop in the dark night
because if there is one thing she has learned
its that you can't trust a man to do what's right
her skirts are heavy with abandonment issues

while her father and brother count the gold
she got them
her mother and stepmother
lay buried in the backyard
she knows her fate
if she doesn't stay smarter then them
and succumbs to thinking 
they value her 
she will be in the backyard as well

the next time Gretel makes dinner
she will pocket the knife with her pebbles
what she can hide from them
is what keeps her safe

I dream of a severed hand

wind sweeping through
an open window
in a bedroom
from one of my past lives

I try to hide from the hand
as it searches for me
with its thumb heavy spider crawl
distant voices scatter about me
 an incantation song

I ask if this is my sign
the hand make its way to me
offers up an open palm
with a heavy jewel laden ring

I bend down
take the ring
and slip it on
my left hand

the curtains open
revealing a fertile silver moon
I don't know what to do
I say standing there 
talking to the wind
feeling like a fool
the severed hand
lays immobile at my feet
its purpose has been served

a breeze carries a voice
past my ear
so faint I can't hear it
but it calms me
I know I will wake up now
that something has been set
in motion

I wake up and suddenly know
 the window of time
has been opened
but soon it will close
I feel a sense of urgency

all my lives are converging
dominoes lined up
 in perfect order

in that tower bedroom
many lifetimes ago
I told myself a story
then I manifested it again
and again into many lifetimes

this is my last one
my old soul longs for the night sky
when it is complete
I will swirl in the cosmos of creation
just matter, dust, and stars

the heat of hades is beckoning

so hard to  bear the
cold hearted stone eyed statues
who block my path
as divinity bleeds chaos

true mothers know
the dark reveals
the light of fire within

fire was the first light
the ember of rocks
colliding
on one cold night

I have been handed the key
I wait with the dead
in the dark open doorway
between worlds 
while you all twiddle your thumbs
in the abyss of hope

fallen angels have no feet
we drift with the shadows
of humanity
don't turn your head 
at every lie
it is how the world began
and how it will end

slippery words on slithering lips
make the world go round
hitch a ride on this haunted carousel
the power is in the turning
round and round
you will get dizzy 
​
while I merge with the moon

today there was momentum
like when you pump your legs
to make the swing go so high
you feel dizzy and have
to close your eyes

while walking the dogs
I see a dead sparrow
its jagged broken wing
a scar on the bright green grass
my wintered skin defrosts
under the suns blind halo

today I left my cave 
to join the world outside
starbuck's 
target
trader joe's
errant errands
to pass the tick tocking
time bomb

I hold my daughters hand
at the drugstore
when her arm winces
from the needle
I reward her with a new 
teddy bear
that she holds the rest of the day
with her unaffected arm

I cook a dinner that has meat
vegetables
and a starch
walk the dogs again
clean the kitchen
until the counters sparkle
like in a commercial
for cleaning products

today I was a good mother
I didn't listen to records backwards
I didn't drink a bottle of wine
while writing existential death poems

I read a wholesome travel book
washed my daughters new summer clothes
gave the dogs their flea meds

now that my mind is a corn husk
I hope my reward is sleep