beautiful rotten things

it is lonely down here
this space
which isn't space at all

i am suffocating
in this world
this requirement
of smiley lies

pleasantries
dead leaves
i spend hours raking
and bagging beautiful
rotten things

so i can belong

i built up these walls
and i don't want them
to come down

that girl i once was
i want to keep for myself
and myself alone

we are at war against ourselves
we are at war against each other

nothing changes

i watched a news clip
of a three year old boy
hiding in the rubble
in Ukraine

he said he knew what 
was happening
and he wasn't ready to die 

this world is a rotten place
build a wall around yourself
and hope that child
dreams of  bricks 
surrounding him

we are headed for a breakdown
of everything we have ever known

accept that normalcy 
is gone
grieve already
stop pretending
this is  ok