black smudge

sometimes justice doesn't happen/hate eats away at you/all chewed at the edges/like a pink pencil eraser/try to erase everything/black smudges appear/you are less than/a fraction of a person/leave my body /float on the ceiling/watch myself drown/scars/too many stitches to count/hard to care/ this body invites enemies in/not the only one/drifting 

he covers my mouth with his hand/tells me to shut up/stay still/ suffocated me with a pillow/ denied it/married him/endured for 13 years/boundaries fucked up/bad luck/ bulldozed at a young age/never quite recover/it is obvious/his intention/to hurt/unconditional love for my daughter/is a life sentence/for his unconditional abuse

 tonight/I am reminded/hush hush/these secrets/devil in khakis/my life in ruins/see the demon/on his shoulder/how it winks at me