bus window

my mother is hungry
and i am too small 
to speak full sentences
she can't find a penny
in her pocket
she is close to tears

later
underneath
the florescent lights
she stares out the window
while feeding me bits
of pastrami

the walls are mint green
but her sadness is the yellow
of a dying sunset

we haven't found a home 
she just holds me in her arms
at bus stops until she gets tired

we sleep on grey bus seats
ride in to the night

when she finds
our home
the man holds my neck
up against the wall
i try to call for her

but see in her eyes
that this is how it must be
i have to make this man love me
and i do

she falls farther away
he gets so close
i can't breathe

when he holds a pillow
over my face
i look out the bus window
he can't see

all those places we could have stayed
and she chose here
i lay still until
he thinks he has killed me
laughs anyway

i am a good little girl
because i want to die

my mother is in the next room
staring at a computer
she can't hear me now
he made it like that

i know she is looking out the bus window
i wish i could see her 
​