fading

something within me is fading
slept all day
wrapped in a comfortable
numbness

now that it is dark outside
I know I won't be alone
much longer
I have suspended disbelief
that serenity is coming

last night my heart hurt
 I wondered
if I was in the midst
of a heart attack
but now I think it
was just my heart screaming
it has surrendered now

my heart and I
sit in the dark
watch the flickering candles
we imagine the soft pulp
that holds love
being scooped out
scraping the last stringy parts
as if it were a rotting pumpkin

I discard the soft parts
in the trash
I wash my empty heart
 in Dawn dish soup
so it is clean
before placing it back inside me

a wind moves through me
as a sad echo takes up residence
in my soul
my heart's empty beats

feel  like laying down
on crisp clean sheets

the souls surround me
so glad there is more space
for them now

we heard you
we will free you
my spirit children come to me
while my demons sit in the corner
out of respect for my indoctrination

these empty hearts
now beat as one