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last night i wept
in my daughter's bedroom while trying to sleep it is a guest room now or it was supposed to be i am gradually making it into a shrine she has been kidnapped or she has been brainwashed or she just hates me because she is 15 all i know is i did attachment parenting which was awful and apparently it didn't work i keep thinking about when i was in my twenties and this psychic told me i wasn't supposed to marry her father i was supposed to be a single mother but i was stubborn just like she is now and i did the opposite now here i am being comforted by ghosts in the dark as he slaughters my heart using her as the weapon in my past life he murdered me now he has learned how to kill in the modern age as a psychologist and a pathological liar he has turned her against me so easy when she is a teenager did he even study in graduate school? no i did all his reading for him now that she carries my pain her own and the pain of my mother this collective pain is an ink blot blooming inside of her her rage will be turned the wrong way just like mine was towards herself because dear daddy can do no wrong when he is pulling the strings to her marionette heart this will go on for more generations girls turn into women who swallow grief until it turns into this black hole of longing don't worry that longing is just the dead whispering all their regrets to you they don't wish they had been more happy because happiness is a con they wish they had been more compassionate they wish they hadn't turned away from all the pain because what they remember are the trials and tribulations
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AuthorMichelle Tinklepaugh Archives
April 2023
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