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walking barefoot
through my small town streets the pebbles sticking to my feet was one of those ways I used to know I was alive inside my childhood home the curtains were always drawn even in the summer the windows shut clouds of cigarette smoke permeated everything summertime was freedom I wandered there was no money for summer camps my parents worked and after my chores I was free to explore I walked alone ran into kids from school I didn't know that well who also were too poor for summer camp I watched a boy eat the worm out of his Dad's tequila bottle he showed me how to shoplift and I never got caught he always had bruises on his face but only wanted to cheer me up he smoked stolen cigarettes in a flat-tired RV in his driveway told me to come back anytime and stood at the end of his driveway when I left I walked downtown and sat near the boat docks I watched the boats in the harbor wondering what it would be like to drift without fear on the way home I met up with another girl from school the younger sister of a football star their parents were divorced we watched MTV videos and she made us fried dough she told me about her boyfriend she walked around in bikini bottoms and a belly t-shirt and I thought how I wanted to be like her I walked home at dusk all the men were getting out from the shipyard and they hooted and hollered at my lone form walking the sidewalk I learned to walk through backyards I stopped at swing sets to swing I picked peas from private gardens and ate them on my way home when I arrived I always stood at the door for too long took a breath and sighed like I was kissing the world goodnight I knew what was inside the dark smoke of angry unsaid things that permeated everything and my sadness was there too clinging to the windows like a moth trying to find its way out
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AuthorMichelle Tinklepaugh Archives
June 2023
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