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all my friends are dead
they drift in and out of the darkness I call to them at night because when they are here I feel less lonely when I can't sleep it is eight hours of darkness where the dead tell me their stories just listening is enough to forget my own story no one will miss me when my soul leaves this timeline maybe that isn't so bad this reality isn't quite right no one thinks with their heart everyone is ready to stab you in back I can see the the other world the one where spirits float free you don't worry about being loved but instead about being seen and heard me and most other women aren't heard here so it isn't much different for women power lies outside the body and outside the body means in the consciousness I am only loved when I am hot when I am meek when I succumb to some volcanic ego that has no reasoning but I am aging I am only human I would like to not care I would like to remove my body as if it were a cancerous tumor everything I have ever known has been a lie it takes a toll my true family are all the ghosts that accompany me I don't feel at home here with all this bullshit this ego that parades as humanity is ridiculous everyone is out for themselves that is the truth that everyone lies about so many power struggles for what? nothing is real every man is always going to hate me because he thinks everything is a competition the only language I speak is in feeling when I am with my dead friends they all see that I just want to help there are no pretenses they see my wings they know my soul I don't trust anyone alive anymore except animals I want my last thoughts to be eating a cherry popsicle on a summer night near the ocean when I was a kid alone thinking about the future I thought I was going to have I had hope which is something I don't have anymore right now I just want to remember my first pet my cat Baby purring while lying on my chest I was so sick I thought I was dying he stayed with me I have never had that experience with a person people will make up reasons to leave apparently it is human nature and it isn't nice it isn't love it is just shitty makes me want to hug ghosts in the night I belong in the ether there is no such thing as loyalty anymore the angel of death visits me he is an angel for a reason he knows what the world is like he knows pain he knows how alone everyone is and he has a soul that feels as intensely as I do I have never trusted anyone love doesn't matter trust is everything if those you choose to love and your trust is broken again and again if that is all you have ever known then relationships start to have no fucking point I don't want to learn this lesson anymore people are shitty tonightI will commune with the dead and they will comfort me as they always do because they know that the living don't know how to live don't how to love and take everything for granted they hold my soul on their misty altar as I stand by and watch in awe they marvel at the light I still have after all I have been through my life is with the drifting souls who know what they missed they don't want you to make the same mistakes they did dying with someone who didn't appreciate them dying already forgotten over there I am a queen I have a family they come to me in my sorrow they surround me on the nights I can't sleep they are here now as I write this they want me to come home they tell me I don't deserve this pain I know they are right the only thing here is more disappointment all my best friends are dead as they hold me now I wonder why I want to stay in this place where I have to fight to be me to be heard come to me my friends all you spirits that drift let me drift with you let's be invisible together let's haunt the night
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AuthorMichelle Tinklepaugh Archives
June 2023
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