I read my Lenormand cards daily, especially if I am stressed. They are very poetic and somewhat cryptic. Anyway I keep getting combinations that mean "luck in un-luck" and the "wait is over" which doesn't sound awful but who the fuck knows anything anymore. My least favorite combination in Lenormand is anything with the Scythe in it because it always ends up meaning pain or surgery. I pulled that combination a week before a horrible toothache came about that resulted in an extraction. Tarot cards and Oracle cards contrary to what people think, do not tell the future. They are just a game of interpretation and symbols. Which is pretty much what life is. I have had three crows visiting the back porch every morning for like two weeks. In my experience every time the crows visit something bad happens. Now there is just one crow left. I saw it eating a worm the other day and it was staring at me and the dogs were hysterically barking. I left it a slice of bread as an offering. The bread isn't there anymore so that is probably a good sign.
Last night I lulled myself to sleep binge watching episodes of The Haunting, slept a few hours. Now I am up and back to thinking about this and thinking about that. I keep imagining worse case scenarios of every possible thing that could happen ever. Then started to daydream about traveling. I got my Discover it Miles. card in the mail today so now I have two credit cards to earn travel points. I had some happy thoughts about traveling and blogging. Before Covid19 happened I was putting away money in a savings account for a trip every year. Then lockdown, the plagued world, depression. I spent it all on books and Christmas 2020. It was at least a good half hour of daydreaming about traveling. Then I went on Abe books and looked at signed rare books I can't afford for several hours. It is very soothing. I ordered a first edition of Sylvia Plath's Crossing The Water (35$ 17$ shipping and handling from UK, won't get here until May) and Wheelock's Latin (5$). I have decided to learn latin because I have always wanted to learn latin then read Hellenistic poetry in latin.
They have so many cheap used books. It makes me reminisce about the book tables in NYC. I used to buy these weird titled battered paperbacks from the 1970s for 50c and read the whole book on the train home to Long Island. After whatever writing class I had been attending.
I am really trying to not focus on anything stressful or sad today. Unfortunately I am getting sad and tired again. I don't think it is working. I am haunted by sadness trying to fill my mind with fluff. I usually hear the crows by now but all is quiet.