Michelle

At night when I can't sleep
there is a place only I can go

an empty town in my mind
a whisper in a seashell
of my hometown

I walk the streets
walk through time

everything I have ever lost
is there waiting for me 
a timeline of me
a map of myself

she is there
​waiting for me
to take her home
to here and now

sitting on the curb 
with her scraped knees
crooked glasses
swallowing her face
she looks up at me with such hope
holds out her hand

we walk like this
hand in hand
she reminds me all the things
I forget to remember
and we both keep
pretending
I might let her leave this place 
one day
when it is safe

so she doesn't have to be so alone

we sit on a bench near the sea
I try to explain to her
how its better here
that where I am isn't a place
she should be

she looks at me through 
her fingerprint smudged glasses
fiddles with the scab on her knee
and says but you keep coming back here
less and less
one day you are going to forget
that I am still here
you are going to forget
that there is always another tomorrow

until there isn't
I think but don't say

I am so sad
because she knows
that I know I can never bring her home
that the world will crush her

we walk past the old houses
house one
and house two
we can see the ghosts
peeking out 
little girls just like her
she squeezes her eyes tight 
blows out an invisible birthday candle

the ghosts disappear
 I ask her where they go 
when she makes a wish
you know, back in my head she says
the same place you keep me

we are back near the waterfront
she loves the ocean
I could drown here she says
with a sigh
I nod 
but you won't I say

the sun is starting to set
but it won't
because it is always the day here
I don't want her to be in the dark alone
she is afraid of the dark

she read a book on constellations
told me to give her just one night
one night with me
one night in the world
but I couldn't 

she hands me a crushed dandelion
all warm and  wilted from her pocket
I saved this for you she says
I don't want you to forget how pretty
dandelions are
 
when I reach out to take it 
she grabs my hand and doesn't let go
I don't want to stay here anymore
I can't she says
I try to pull away but it is too late
she unzips me like a coat and climbs inside

I blink
and here we are
in front of the computer
it is 4:51 am
Did you write it all down?
yes
I missed you
I know
​
welcome home