My daughter is home.
My heart isn't so heavy now.
I am no longer weighed down by secrets.
Someone sent me a gravity blanket for my birthday. Annabelle and I sat on the couch underneath it and I fell asleep from exhaustion while she took a Minecraft quiz.
I dreamt that it was tomorrow. In the dream I knew this because I was cooking fish for Annabelle and I (I only make fish on Fridays). X shows up and just hovers awkwardly next to the counter making me nervous. I heat up some leftovers for Jeremy (lamb stew) because he doesn't like fish. X scoffs at it. I don't offer him any food. I say something sarcastic about his sudden vegetarianism and him being too good for meat. Annabelle comes downstairs and takes a bite of the stew and I say oh this one is yours and pass her the fish. I am getting my own plate to sit down at the table with her when X takes her into my office. Jeremy goes to see what is happening and comes back pissed and says how ridiculous this is. He wants to throw him out but I convince him to wait. I go look and Annabelle is sitting on the floor eating her dinner, with X next to her just watching. Jeremy goes upstairs. I stand there in the kitchen. X comes out and I just lose it and start yelling for him to get out what the hell is wrong with him etc. etc. He starts screaming at me and pulls out a pair of gym shorts from his pocket like a magician does with scarves. Then he starts taking his pants off to change into the gym shorts right there. I scream at him to go to the bathroom and ask him what the hell he is doing. He yells that he is going for a run. Annabelle comes out of the office.
I wake up, tell Jeremy about the dream and the gym shorts, we laugh. I Go check on Annabelle. She is safe in her bed. I can breathe.
So I am back to dreaming again. I prefer a silly dream like this over any nightmare. A couple months ago I had a nightmare so awful I tried to avoid sleep for a week (like the teenagers from Nightmare on Elm Street). I was being murdered. I kept telling myself it was just a dream and not to be scared but then the man started stabbing me and I felt the pain. It was so real. I knew the man was going to dismember me and put me in a trash bag and throw me in a river. Unfortunately I didn't wake up right after the stabbing and the nightmare went on forever. I was bled out on the floor while he was sawed off my foot. I woke up shaking and crying. Still not sure whyI felt pain in the dream. Sometimes when I can't fall asleep (which is often) the murder nightmare just pops in to my head and I shudder. I have yet to find any information about feeling physical pain in a nightmare in any of the books I have been reading about dreams. I haven't had that nightmare again. Thank God.