my phone dies in a dirty lake

i dropped my phone in the lake today
while I was taking a picture of a sunset

it didn't bother me too much at the time
because I have never lost a phone
i use them until they die
over done deaths like
shoe leather steak

when I got home and realized
my passwords were in some
algae ecoli abyss
i just wanted to throw 
the towel in

no one calls me anyway
and I don't have a job
to pay  for  my phone

i make soap at midnight
hoping it will bring in enough 
money to pay my condo fees

i give fortunes for free
because they cling to me
but I am starting to realize
no one ever wants to know
their future but me

i lost my meditation play list
in the dirty lake
where people still swim in
so now I am listening to Seal
and it feels like wearing
drugstore clothes because
my house burned down in a fire

lime green t-shirt
with too big boxer shorts
sporting a trout

the dead swirl around me
being sarcastic about my 
phone loss
they didn't even have antibiotics
they had to carry ice blocks
to keep their food cold
they dry fucked on hay
while smelling horse shit

my passwords
float in the filthy lake like
alphabet soup
and I mourn
how I used to not have to
hold things
that held things

i used to just feel
the smooth stones
in my pockets
found feathers
were the only 
messages i needed

life is shit now
shallow and tin
food is made
without love

we take to survive
and there is no joy
in that

so i kiss sadness now
because it is the only light
it tastes of decaying flowers
but still it is a sunset
with a drowned phone

everyone keeps apologizing
for having a soul
​there isn't much to go on

when being human
is just feeling shame
​there is no humanity