reality is a jagged line written in red pen

I am cold
for several hours now
I have been shivering
while my dog barks
at a spot next to me

I know I am not alone in this pain
and those who want to comfort me
are making the room feel like a refrigerator
I sit in the dark
with the dead reminding me
that being alive is better
in my sadness I wonder why
they are the only ones here
isn't that enough of a sign
to remind me of where I belong?

my mother once told me to not trust anyone
that you could only count on yourself
I thought she was jaded
I thought she just had enough
of people fucking her over
now I realize her words
were of experience
of wisdom

right now
alone in the dark
I am rethinking my entire life
what I could take before
I can't take anymore
I always wanted safety
and stability
but what is the cost of that?
believing in something that doesn't exist
unless you create it yourself
with boundaries and self respect
I keep giving away
everything that I am to the man
that comes along with a smile
he picks me up when I am
rock bottom
​knee deep in demons
he slays them with his own

I think this man is going to be the one
that saves me
but I am always left holding
emptiness
crying
holding my own carcass in my hands
the dead stand next to me
holding their hollow souls
we share the pain of knowing
how alone all of us really are

reality is a jagged line
written in red pen
​