That nightmare where I get murdered and thrown in to the river is making sense now.

 ,Update!!!! Being blocked out of your parental health contract for two years does affect your relationship with your child. What could possibly be worse than being bullied, emotionally abused, and treated as if you don't exist so your child can be a gift for your X's new wife. Your child telling you she only wants to live with you two days a week because her dad's house is more fun. By more fun I can only assume she means he exposes her to the public during a pandemic when she should be being careful because she has an autoimmune disease. She also mentioned that remote learning is better over there. It might be I still don't get remote learning and neither does she. She wants me to trust her but she is 13 and I can't be sure she isn't being manipulated especially since her father has withheld any information about her health purely out of spite or cruelty to me.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I am being ganged up on. This is a trap. He won't make amends for abuse. He won't communicate about her health and now mine and my daughter's relationship is dissolving. I am supposed to fight for a daughter that has no loyalty to the mother that protected her and fought for her rights from a self centered abusive man and it nearly destroyed me. 
Do I just let go? and finally fucking heal my life because people are shitty and let's be honest children leave eventually and end up hating you until they have their own kids and realize they were awful.  I live in a retirement condo village because I have PTSD and jump from someone walking into the room. I don't like sports or social situations but I love my daughter and I have been her loyal advocate and worn my heart outside my body since she was born. I am constantly treated as if I am less than human by her dad.  I am worried that Annabelle is going to die before age fifteen because he thinks about himself first and has to keep busy so he doesn't look at that cold hearted soul of his.
Maybe I am not the "fun" choice for her but I will keep her alive. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't know his wife at all and so far she treats me as badly as he does. So I am assuming they both have matching cold hearts. How fantastic my daughter wants to be raised by two people that treat me and my husband (who dotes on Annabelle like the diva she is) like we are ants under their magnifying glass in the sun.
Whatever happened to family fucking loyalty?  My daughter doesn't respect me at all because they don't respect me at all and I am angry and broken hearted.  
I live ten minutes from her school and they live 30-40 minutes. I think her wanting to live there is because of X's master manipulative tactics. He has secrets, now Annabelle has secrets. He has taught her that lying is okay. He has taught her that her mother's life is not of value because I was a stay-at-home mom and I don't walk all over others because of greed and selfishness.
Life isn't fair. If I choose to "trust" my 13-year-old child who wants to change the contract so that I only have her two nights a week (I have her four now) because she doesn't understand she has been slowly conditioned to block me out because it is easier for X to eliminate me then be a grown up and admit who he really is. Shit, he probably is going to ask me for child support when he has been withholding his income for five years.
I don't want to be the self-sacrificing mother anymore. I have been putting everyone else first my whole life since I was a kid. Always the responsible one, always putting my needs last, for what? No fucking career, too depressed from being devalued, and now my child being ripped from me and repeating the words of my abusive X  daily like a little puppet. 
My kid is confused and I get it, but having her block me out and refuse to help around the house and have tantrums because life isn't Disney all the time isn't helping my mental well being at all. I can't get over the fact that she only wants to be here two nights a week.
That nightmare of me being dismembered and murdered I get it now. My identity is being her Mother. Now X and Step Mommy dearest have just chopped off my limbs, put them in a trash bag and thrown me in the river!!!! 
​Fuck! Fuck! Fuck Fuck!