the buds of tiger lilies

in the absence of light
I find myself
digging beneath this world
for answers hidden in the past

as a child 
I ate the buds of tiger lilies
while my mother sat
on the red  paint chipped
​porch steps
always looking
somewhere in the distance
as if she had lost herself
on the way to here

her present was me
tugging on her legs
with a broken butterfly in hand
a mouth full of clover to sweeten
a childhood
I had still yet to find

I never ate the poison plants
a voice whispered
not to eat the sharp red berries
it was not my mother
but the sky and the dirt beneath my feet
who cradled me while
my teenage mother 
wished for freedom

I wanted to go where she was
to be with her 
in that faraway place 
my time would come soon 
enough

I followed in her grieving footsteps
found my own soul in the dark night

I seek the truth
truth is the only light

these deep wounds have opened me 
to discover
all that there has been
all that there is 
and all that there will be
is within me

the magic of knowing your own power
is just as beautiful
as the pain that got you
​to here