the don't list

don't marry that one night stand
just because he left his sweatshirt
at your house
it isn't a sign from the universe
he will tell you this later
ten years later to be exact
he will also tell you
he wasn't going to email you
that is why he gave you his email
not his phone number
and you will feel really stupid
as you are married now
holding his baby

don't read depressing poems
about getting abused as a kid
at the local Barnes and Noble
while wearing a whimsical shirt
with animals on it
it just isn't right

don't say anything
about those weird sad clown
paintings on the wall
that guy you are dating
will be really insulted
his grandmother painted them
now rest of the night will be awkward
and don't let him give you a bath
because you feel guilty
you said his grandma's clown
paintings were creepy
don't tell him he is creepy
when you are already in the bath
and no one knows where you are
don't point out the mildew

don't go on dating websites
don't meet people from dating websites
don't tell the guy at the gas station
your love life
he has been stalking you

don't watch scary movies alone at night

don't eat spaghetti and meatballs
before a heavy night of drinking