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"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions"
- Edgar Cayce

the lie of life is a lonely thing

5/17/2021

1 Comment

 
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my dog has an enlarged heart
last night she was
struggling to breathe
 had to go to the animal hospital

they gave her oxygen
some pills to take home
the X ray showed that her heart
had gotten worse since last year
now she needs to see
an animal cardiologist 
but an available appointment
might take a month or longer
 
I just spent the majority of my savings 
on my teeth
 a surprise extraction in december
 a very late annual dental checkup in march
that showed I needed
a route canal in april
a temporary crown last week
and today three cavities filled
I have no dental insurance
I am hoping the animal cardiologist
will be cheaper

while writing this I had to stop
to lift her off the bed
 so she could drink water
 even with the pills
her breathing is labored
I am afraid to close my eyes
or leave the room
I don't want her to die alone
unable to catch her breath
when I check on her 
her eyes are open
when they should
be closed
she is afraid

I have been holding back tears 
all day because I know how this goes
I have been taking her to the vet
 every few weeks since summer
and they say it is allergies
or just what happens when you get old
she is  only  9 1/2
her breathing problems
are related to her heart
so clearly her vet missed 
the reaper's knock

if I could lose loss I would
I don't want to keep seeing everything
and everyone disappear

my dog is dying
my best friend
who found her for me
to cheer me up 
after I had a miscarriage
died five years ago

the lie of life is a lonely thing
one that always seems to depend
on ignoring what your eyes can see
and how your heart feels







1 Comment
John Philip Britton
5/18/2021 04:00:29 pm

Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with me here. I believe that you are already preparing for a harsh time and beyond. I have to wonder whether there is anything actually useful to what some say - that attachment is the root of all suffering. I wish for you transcendence.

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    Michelle Tinklepaugh


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