we come back to where we left ourselves

i remember hiding
to drown out the noise
the warmth of my own breath
in the dark

the future is a staircase away
this feeling of falling 

the moon is my bed
when i wander
the basement of my mind

a rat follows
an old man gives me free groceries
when i have no appetite
 a wooden throne that is also
an electric chair
beckons me

thank you prison daddy issues
for infiltrating my subconscious

painters are painting
masterpieces 
in a damp corner
i make them pay rent
even though there is mold
everywhere

i am a kid 
hiding in my closet
while my parents are
fighting

i find a paint can and
paint the walls around me
maroon

i get hungry
and eat my parents
stale sugar  wedding cake topper
 on the shelf above me

it cuts my gums

the paint smell
makes me sleepy

when i wake
it is as if it never happened
i feel my mother's sadness
in her kindness 

i wonder if she knows
i followed the dark tunnel
to find her
i saw her in the living room
when he lost his mind

the closet is a portal 
my past lives and future lives
collide

the night
my mother gets lost
i gather grief around me
i collect all the unsaid things
in the air

 discarded memories
are just all the beauty
that has been forgotten

everything lost
should be found

we come back 
to where we left ourselves

i am here
painting the walls red
stale sugar cracking in my teeth

someone is in the closet with me
he tells me everything 
is going to be ok
he has no face
tells me
that pain is my gift

time has left me
 i keep falling

he laughs
and tells me when i am ready
i can paint my own wings

just tell me when
​i hit the ground